Panic, a fight or flight defense mechanism. We all have it, and it’s saved us all at least once.
I can’t move.
A state of emotion that invokes immeasurable fear. You either fight what’s coming at you, or you run like hell.
I can’t breathe!
But what happens, when you are what you’re fighting, or running from?
Please, make it stop!
Panic, a beautiful thing, until senseless thoughts are what cause it. The anxiety that you can’t escape from. The stress from work, the seemingly large flaws in your marriage, the behavior from your children, the struggles in school, the problems with your friends. We can sometimes keep ourselves together, but on the times we can’t, it’s a nightmare that you just can’t escape from.
No matter what positive self talk I feed myself, or how I pretend being okay, it doesn’t work.
Five minutes seems like forever.
Your head won’t stop reeling.
You can’t move, but you want to hide.
Your heart feels like it’s just about to bust out and do a dance number on your chest.
Some people fall in the fetal position and start bawling. Others feel like there’s a snake wrapping themselves around their chest, sucking every bit of air out of their chest. I’m personally one of the ones who feels like their mind is going to implode, and although I want to cry, my tear ducts go dry. I can’t breathe, I stutter my words, my train of thought completely derails, and I just want to crawl under the blanket with my teddy.
My husband calls it paralyzingly beautiful vulnerability. He says only the strongest people can handle someone that deeply vulnerable. With pride in his eyes, he claimed that those with even more strength feel it. It’s not only courageous to feel that vulnerability to it’s fullest, but to embrace it, as well as learn from it. It’s beauty in one of it’s rawest forms.
He says,”Only if you truly feel, and embrace your emotions, in their full form, will you learn from them, and learn to gain power, instead of lose it. That is truly how you learn from panic, and that is how you fight.”
Paralyzingly beautiful vulnerability, the new panic attack.